I married at a very young age to a man who at the time was charming, sweet, and attentive. About 6 months into our relationship, he began to gradually become agressive towards me.It started small, a shove here, a grab there.Before long, he pushed me down a flight of stairs, and I landed on my back on top of a carpet shampoo machine.I was four months pregnant with our first child.He swore it would never happen again. It did.It continued throughout the next year, random hitting and shoving.There were never any marks left that were visible to anybody else, so I didn't say anything to anybody.In September of 1997, we decided to move to Alaska. On September 25, we were standing in our empty apartment and he was arguing with his mother about whether the Uhaul we rented should go on the barge, or if we should drive it up. SHe was holding my one year old daughter. Sensing he was loosing his temper, I said something I thought would calm him down. It didn't, so I turned and walked down the hall to get out of the line of fire. He charged after me, grabbing my hair and slamming my head against the doorjamb. I heard a dull sound, and felt a tremendous pressure in my head. The next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital with the nurses asking me if it was safe to send me home. The story they had told the ER wasn't consistant with the skull fracture I had recieveved. If I hadn't left the hospital with him, they would have taken my daughter and gone to Alaska without me. I checked myself out.
For awhile after that, the abuse wasn't as bad. It didn't go away, but it was more emotional, undermining my confidence, maintaining control over me. I wasn't allowed to leave the house, or have any friends. By fall of 2000, we had four children. Later that year, he left me for a woman he met at work. At first, I was terrified, he had always told me I couldn't make it without him, and I was sure I was doomed. By the third night, I realized I liked the peace and quiet and lack of dread in the house. Unfortunatly, once I started to move on, he decided he wanted to come back. But I didn't want him back.So he stalked me, calling me at all hours, parking on the street and watching me through the window.I woke up once and found him standing over me while I slept.The next night I nailed all my doors and windows shut.I moved to a new place as soon as I could afford it, and he eventually married the woman he left me for. He owes me $35,000 in back child support, and is facing criminal charges on various types of fraud also. I have to testify against him in court later this year.Turning him into the authorities for the crimes he has commited to get out of paying his child support was the first time I ever stood up to him. Regardless of the outcome of the court case, nobody can ever take that away from me. I have begun doing some work with DV awareness, and have found a little of myself again. But it is far from over.I wonder sometimes if it ever will be.